Kids
In a special Q&A episode of Happy Mum Happy Baby in partnership with Bupa, Giovanna Fletcher sat down with Child Psychologist Professor Sam Wass. Together, they dive into some of the most urgent issues facing parents today concerning children’s and teenagers’ mental health.
How can I communicate with my child if they shut down the conversation when I try to talk about how they’re feeling?
Your child or teenager may shut down conversations about mental health because they feel overwhelmed or overstimulated by direct confrontation, such as eye contact, which can trigger a hyper-reactive response. Sam explains that “teenagers often have a hyper-reactive style, where a mildly stressful situation can cause a big reaction.” This is why some teenagers prefer indirect forms of communication, like text messaging, where they feel less pressure. Sam suggests parents avoid making the conversation feel too formal or intimidating. Parents can use non-verbal cues to show you’re listening, like nodding. This signals to your child that you’re engaged without being overbearing. He also advises summarising what they say to ensure they feel understood and validating their emotions by reflecting their words back to them. For example, saying, “That must have been really scary,” can help them feel heard. Timing for these talks is crucial; don’t force the conversation, but be ready to listen when they’re open to it.
Is there any evidence that social media negatively impacts young people’s mental health?
It’s difficult to definitively link social media use to increased mental health problems because of the complex nature of both. While diagnosis rates of mental health issues and social media use have both increased, it’s not clear if one causes the other. Nevertheless, Sam points out that people with existing mental health challenges may use social media differently, and in some cases, it can exacerbate their condition. For parents, a common-sense approach is recommended: if you notice your child feels worse after being on social media, it may be time to intervene.
If a child struggles with mental health as a child, does this follow them into adulthood?
Sam explains that while early mental health issues can increase the likelihood of further problems in adulthood, each individual’s trajectory is different. Early onset mental health problems often predict future issues, but the specific condition may change. For instance, a child who struggles with anxiety may develop depression later on, or vice versa. However, Sam reassures parents that it’s not always the case that early issues persist throughout life. Early intervention, support, and teaching children coping mechanisms can make a significant difference. “It’s about giving them the tools to manage and talk about their emotions from a young age,” he explains.
Is there a link between neurodiversity and mental health?
Neurodiversity refers to the natural variation in how people experience the world, including differences in sensory processing and social interaction. Sam clarifies that neurodiverse individuals, such as those with autism, are more likely to experience other mental health challenges like anxiety or low mood, but this doesn’t apply to everyone. He also stresses that neurodiversity should not be viewed as something that needs to be “fixed.” In fact, many great inventors and creators throughout history have been neurodiverse. “It’s definitely not something we want to get rid of; it’s massively important to society,” Sam emphasises. However, it’s important for parents of neurodivergent children to be aware of potential mental health struggles, so they can provide the right support early on.
If another family member struggles with a mental health condition, does this make a child more likely to develop the same issue?
There is a genetic component to most mental health conditions, meaning they often run in families. Sam references twin studies, which show higher concordance rates for mental health issues among identical twins compared to non-identical twins, indicating a genetic link. However, environmental factors are also at play. For example, anxiety can be passed on through parenting style; anxious parents may unconsciously parent in a way that influences their child’s behaviour. Sam advises parents who have struggled with mental health themselves to be open with their children, sharing their experiences and building a vocabulary around emotions. This can help children feel less isolated in their own struggles. “If you’re open about your experiences, it can help your child understand that they’re not alone,” Sam says.
How can I support my child through stressful changes like school transitions, family separations, or bereavement?
Sam encourages parents to be honest with their children about their own emotions during stressful times, rather than trying to present a façade of constant strength. He notes that parents often feel the need to model “appropriate” emotional responses, such as pretending everything is fine after a bereavement or during a difficult school transition. However, Sam explains that it’s okay for parents to show vulnerability and admit when they are upset too. “It’s fine to be sad in front of your kids; pretending everything is okay when it’s not will only confuse them,” he says. While short-term distress is unavoidable, Sam stresses that the most important thing is long-term resilience. Showing children that it’s okay to feel upset, but also that they will come out of it stronger, is a powerful lesson.
How do I approach a conversation if I suspect my child is using drugs or alcohol, and where can I seek help?
Many parents struggle with a mix of genuine concern for their child’s safety and feelings of losing control over their behaviour as they grow older. “Suddenly, you tell them to do something, and they do the exact opposite. It’s very complex and emotionally tough for parents,” he says. The best way to approach this issue is by treating your child like the adult they want to be, even if you don’t fully trust them yet. Sam advises giving them practical information about the risks of drugs or alcohol and allowing them to make their own decisions while keeping a close eye on their behaviour. You want your child to be able to trust in you, rather than keep secrets from you – and it’s about striking a balance between giving them space whilst maintaining vigilance.
How can I explain mental health to a child in a way they will understand?
Sam recommends explaining mental health in simple, relatable terms, such as comparing emotional ups and downs to waves in the ocean. He says, “We all have days when we wake up feeling rubbish, and that’s normal. We’re just waves in the ocean, bobbing up and down.” By normalising emotions and framing them as a natural part of life, parents can help children better understand their feelings without fear or shame.
What can I do at home to support my child’s mental health and wellbeing?
Creating a stable, supportive environment is crucial for fostering good mental health, without striving for perfection. “Nobody is perfect all the time,” Sam says, and parents shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by trying to do everything right. Open communication, allowing children to express their feelings, and modelling emotional regulation are all important steps. Sam also highlights the value of mindfulness techniques, which help children recognise and label their emotions in a non-judgemental way. By acknowledging emotions rather than trying to suppress them, families can build a healthier approach to mental well-being.
For more tools and guidance to support young people’s mental health, visit Bupa’s online resources. Listen to Professor Sam Wass on Happy Mum Happy Baby on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Youtube now.
If you or your child are struggling with mental health, you don’t have to face it alone. Resources like Samaritans (call 116 123) and MIND offer free, confidential support for anyone in need. For young people, Childline (call 0800 1111) provides a safe space to talk about anything that’s troubling them. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your GP or mental health professionals for further guidance and support. Remember, help is always available.
