Wellbeing
There’s a reason maternal rage can feel so scary – we don’t talk about it enough. And when we do, it’s usually whispered in shame.
But as Dr. Caroline Boyd shares on her episode of Happy Mum Happy Baby:Parenting SOS “Anger is neither good nor bad. It is a healthy human emotion that we all feel, and it has a really important function.”
So let’s start there.
What is maternal rage, really?
We asked our community what triggers their mum rage. The answers came flooding in:
- “Feeling overstimulated by the mess and noise.”
- “Children not listening.”
- “Lack of appreciation and support from my partner.”
- “Sleep… or lack of.”
It’s no surprise that when we asked how rage feels afterwards, the words were heavy: “alone, drained, like a failure, guilty, out of control, embarrassed.”
Sound familiar?
Dr Boyd shares “Anger is trying to alert us to some kind of home violation, injustice, insult, injury. And it’s telling us that there’s a problem.”
It’s not a character flaw. It’s a message. And you should listen.
Why does it feel so hard to talk about?
From a young age, women are taught to be “good”, “quiet”, and “not make a fuss.” We’ve been socialised to suppress anger. But suppression isn’t resolution.
“We internalise the belief that we must be perfect to be a good mother,” Dr Boyd says. “We must get it right. And the anger has to come out somehow.”
This is where rage can feel like it comes out of nowhere – but it’s often been simmering under the surface for a long time. In the episode, Giovanna shares her experience as “It bubbles up as if it’s coming from nowhere. However, it has been brewing for a while.”
But what do we do with this rage?
Here are three ideas to help us move through anger, not around it.
1. Release the energy
Anger is physical. That pounding heart, that fizzing in your head, that clench in your fists – it’s your body’s fight-or-flight system in action.
We need to use our body. Whether it’s doing ten star jumps, running on the spot, moving your body in some way… get your kids involved if you can. It instantly diffuses the burning rage”
Bonus: kids think it’s hilarious. And it models emotional regulation too.
2. Reframe it with RAIN
This simple mindfulness tool can help when you’re in the thick of it:
- Recognise: “I’m feeling angry.”
- Allow: “I give myself permission to feel this.”
- Investigate: “Where do I feel it in my body?”
- Nurture: “What would I say to a friend feeling like this?”
You are not your anger. It’s just one part of you.
3. Repair – with yourself and your child
Shouting happens. What matters is what you do after.
If you’ve reacting with rage with your baby, repair looks like soft words, cuddle and gentle touch. With your child, you can be more verbal,naming what happened and taking responsibility.”
You’re not just soothing them – you’re modelling what it means to be human, to make mistakes, and to reconnect.
Little actions that help
- Build in small resets: A deep breath by an open window. A cup of tea. Five minutes sitting still.
- Have a sensory box: an essential oil, a texture to move your hands around, something to squeeze – something for you to distract yourself from when you feel the rage start to come on.
- Say it out loud: “I’m starting to feel frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath.” That’s emotional literacy in action – for you and them.
- Let go of perfect: “We left the house ten minutes late” – sure. But were your kids fed? Dressed? You showed up. That’s what counts.
You are not failing
Maternal rage is more common than we think – “as many as 1 in 3 women feel intense anger in the first year of having a baby.” In fact, some studies show maternal anger is more prevalent than postnatal depression.
And yet it’s often met with silence, shame, or self-blame.
That’s why we’re talking about it.
Because you deserve to be seen – in the moments you’re joyful and in the moments when you feel like you’re going to explode.
So if you lost your temper this morning, please hear this: Your child doesn’t see you as anger. It is one part of you. And there are so many more parts your child sees every single day.
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not a bad mum.
You’re a human – and you’re doing your best.
Want to go deeper?
Caroline offers a self-paced anger course for mothers (USE THE CODE “HMHB” TO CLAIM YOUR £100 DISCOUNT):
Download Caroline’s FREE GUIDE on how to handle partner rage:
Caroline’s book, Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood, is available to buy online Amazon, Waterstones or Bookshop
You can listen to our episode with Dr Caroline Boyd wherever you get your podcasts, or on Youtube.
